I’m currently in Nantes, France packing up for our flight back to Cannes. We are out of CEV playoffs because we lost to Volero in Zurich, Switzerland last week, so our main focus now is French League. Last night we had an important playoff match vs Nantes, played really well as a team, and swept them off their home court in three sets. The good vibes are high.
In my free time I’ve been hiking a lot, taking day trips into the snowy Alps, playing my guitar, writing and reading, cooking tasty food, and going to the pool to swim and work on that tan. The weather is getting nicer, which makes me so happy, because I’m all about that sun. You can take the girl out of California…but you can’t take California out of the girl!
I’m loving where I am at right now, and really enjoying myself. I wake up every morning with the full intention of living the day to the absolute fullest, wherever I am, and with whatever I am doing. I give all that I have, for what I keep inside, I lose forever.
But sometimes I wish I could go back in time. I miss my childhood in Santa Barbara. I miss seeing my family everyday. I miss movie nights with high school friends, jumping off the pier at midnight, fishing with my dad, chasing my chicken around my backyard, stuffing my face with a Freebird’s burrito, goofing off with my brothers, all day college parties in the sun, camping with Brandon, long breakfasts with crossword puzzles, doing yoga in the mornings, hitting up every ice cream parlor in Palo Alto, seeing my college teammates and coaches everyday, studying at the Coffee House on Stanford campus… I could go on and on. The list is endless. I miss it all.
Everything is alway changing, time endlessly flowing, and it makes me feel so desperate at times. I just want to gather up my life in my arms and burry it deep into my soul, so that nothing can drift away into the past. I want to hold onto everything. But that’s not how life is. Life is a constant state of letting go. And I’ve realized that if nothing ever stays the same, the key is to strive to always be changing for the better. If life is a roller coaster, I’m on one that only goes up. I’m always growing, sanding out my edges, and molding myself into the person I want to become. You must hold in your mind that person you want to be, the directions you want to go, and particulars you are working on. Constantly evaluate yourself, and question everything about the world. There are no truths except your own.
And if you feel stuck between a rock and a hard place, remember that where you are right now isn’t permanent. If you are struggling or down in life at the moment, know that you will make it out, and you will be even stronger. What is in the future can be better than anything we’ve left behind. We have the power to make it that way. That’s what we have to believe and trust. There are beautiful things down the road for us, and we can’t lose sight of that despite whatever hardships we face on our paths now.
People so often talk about not letting the past or future interfere with the present. You can’t let the past haunt you and hold you back from living your life now. You must let go. Similarly, you can’t let the unknown of your future haunt you. It hasn’t even lived yet. But you can’t be so intently focussed on the present that you lose sight of everything ahead of or behind you. You must balance your perspectives. Appreciate the past for where it has taken you, enjoy the present to the fullest, and let your hopes and dreams roam free into the future. Dream big. Dream enormous, breath-taking, god-like dreams. But maintain perspective by knowing all along that you may never reach those dreams. Understand that, and let your dreams run wild anyway. I still shoot for the moon, even though I know I may just land among the stars.